tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46334721432039694472024-02-20T15:11:04.067-08:00Los Dichos de mis PadresFunny, inappropriate, poignant, sometimes profane, and always entertaining. They are the collective wisdom of generations. Let's write them down before the echo fades.
( This is a free spelling zone. As Humpty Dumpty told Alicia, "It is a simple matter of who is to be El Jefe, you or the pinche palabra?" )ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-33952611100703933282009-12-23T09:01:00.001-08:002012-10-03T13:41:12.155-07:00Cinco, cinco y no le llegaba a diez.<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Five plus five, and still, he/she don't get to ten.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even with two PhDs and a Lexus (he/she) is still a beer short of a six pack.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-22610122737135662562009-12-23T08:58:00.000-08:002009-12-23T09:00:08.123-08:00Barriga llena, Corazon contento.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">A full stomach, results in a contented heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yup, if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the faster you fill it, the faster you will own his heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Fat men are happy men.</p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-5766723288180656092009-11-29T20:53:00.000-08:002009-11-29T21:54:05.668-08:00No se puede peer con chorro.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You can't fart when you have the runs. Think of this as a dictum. The same guy that ate the first artichoke carved this into the tablets that Moses got from the burning bush. Heads up to all those multi taskers: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">there's times when you shouldn't even try to do two things at once. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">A man should know his limits. YMMV.</span>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-5251770693014826272009-10-29T20:47:00.000-07:002009-10-29T20:48:47.552-07:00La cascara guarda el palo.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">The bark protects the tree.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is often used as an excuse for not bathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-25303977497126733462009-10-29T20:43:00.000-07:002009-11-17T21:27:33.452-08:00Dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Tell me who you hang with and I will tell you who you are.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Show me your posse, and Ill tell you why tu Madre is on your case. Why is it you only have losers for Facebook amigos? Why are you always the last to know? Why are you a Raiders fan? Look around you....</p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-18494659926246028742009-10-29T20:42:00.000-07:002009-11-16T20:24:28.556-08:00Una gallina nunca se junta con un coyote.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">A chicken will never get together with a coyote.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps not, but then why do so many a gabachas ever marry Mexicans?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Why would a moth circle a flame?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Why would a chicken cross the road? Well, because Gabachas really want the E ticket, and much like moths they are mesmerized by light and heat, and the gallina is always sort of trying to get away from Wylie E.</p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-1017676741652737512009-10-29T20:40:00.000-07:002009-10-29T20:42:17.964-07:00En gustos se rompen generos.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Different tastes will result in torn fabric.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> This is only true if two headstrong incredibly voluptuous room temp IQ seamstresses are working on the same pattern and get into a hair pulling, clothes ripping, drag out chick fight. Otherwise, who would even care about differences of aesthetic sensibilities? </o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-36834493064317418632009-10-29T20:30:00.000-07:002009-10-29T20:40:07.104-07:00Cuchillo de palo no corta pero bien que chinga (jode).<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">A wooden knife can not cut, but it sure can fuck you up. (wear on you)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This is a bit like the Bush administration, A dull dim witted utensil will wear on you….(for what seems like 20 years) and in retrospect besides being irritating, it really fucks everything up.</p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-43547605474406514702009-10-29T20:19:00.000-07:002009-11-17T22:12:42.690-08:00El que es barrigon aunque lo cinchen.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">He who is a fat will be fat regardless of how tight the girdle is laced.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Fat is fat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Painted toe nails, new shoes, butterfly tattoos, whale tails, or whatever…. You still be fat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That goes for guys too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You can’t hide behind a fog of old spice or the flash of a gold AmEx card, although the flash of bling will dazzle the dimwitted after last call.</p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-83235603762914129822009-10-29T20:07:00.000-07:002009-10-29T21:45:42.501-07:00Ni tanto que queme al santo, ni tanto que quede obscuras.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Not so close as to burn the saint, nor so far as to leave him in darkness.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Votive candles, like single malt scotch<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>or garlic are best administered or consumed in moderation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Too much too close (or soon) will burn or put the lights out.</p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-72887512022004957432009-10-29T19:47:00.000-07:002009-11-17T22:16:29.591-08:00El hombre pone y Dios dispone.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">A man makes plans, and God makes them happen. Or not. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This goes back to the vindictive God thing. Man is an impotent pawn in a cosmic game of Chutes and Ladders. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You throw the dice and snake eyes bite you in the ass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This God guy has a perverse sense of humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Just think of it as: “if you want it, you don’t deserve it and cant’t have it.” God has a bad attitude from being nailed to a cross and drinking cheap wine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-13604359307277773712009-10-24T19:40:00.000-07:002009-12-23T08:58:04.786-08:00Lo nuevo empuja lo Viejo.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Ah yes, the new will push the old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Usually this refers to old age accepting the inevitable progression of time and graciously stepping aside or rather be rudely pushed aside. Or, it could also refer to an impending bowel movement after a large meal.</p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-51474646733858209282009-10-24T19:25:00.000-07:002009-10-24T19:36:19.915-07:00No me admiro del bien de mijo sino lo malimpuesto que queda<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; ">I am not impressed with the success of my son, but rather his sense of entitlement. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;">Whoa. This one is too close to home. My dad was obviously referring to mi hermano. Pinche mal agradecido.</span></p>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-31127455145405692312009-10-20T22:10:00.000-07:002009-11-16T21:19:42.966-08:00El que da y quita, con el diablo se desquita<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;color:#FF6600;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">He who gives something and then takes it back, will make his final accounting in hell (with the devil). This runs contrary to the biblical axiom “the Lord giveth the Lord taketh”, but then this might be a “do as I say not as I do thing.” Biblical situational ethics cover a multitude of pecados, apparently.</span></p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-54840005086148053922009-10-20T22:03:00.000-07:002009-10-24T19:07:43.361-07:00Se vende como pan caliente<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;color:#FF6600;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">This can literally be translated as “It sells like hot cakes.” Very seldomly do dichos translate literally. This one does. It makes you wonder which came first the pan dulce or the flapjack. Pinche gabachos have stolen everything else, so I am guessing that they stole this too.</span></p> <!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-85853712503423299562009-10-07T19:31:00.000-07:002009-10-21T18:03:34.396-07:00La burra no era arizca, la hizieron.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">The donkey was not born gun shy. They made her that way.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Well, this one is broadly applicable, from kicking small pets to dope slapping novias. If they flinch, it is because they have learned to duck</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Shame. Girl friends should never be slapped. Ever. Oh yeah, pinche rat dogs should not survive the first patada. Ever.</span></span></div>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-59189282240423804422009-09-22T21:05:00.000-07:002009-09-22T21:06:55.431-07:00Que de leche la vaca, y aunque respingue.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:20.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">So long as the cow gives milk, it matters not if it complains and bucks.<br /></span></span></p> <span style="color: rgb(32, 32, 26); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">The end justifies the means.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">This seems to be the operative dogma when water boarding terrorists, or trying to get to first base.</span></span></span><!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-80871130860563570032009-09-22T20:51:00.000-07:002009-10-21T18:01:07.808-07:00Mejor llegar a tiempo que ser invitado<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:20.0pt;mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align: none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It is better to arrive on time than to be invited.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This is the mantra of everyone in my family.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">You invite one, and he shows up with toda la familia, all 12 of them.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Early.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">If you arrive late, you might miss the shrimp ceviche, or the one six pack of Negro Modelo that Tio Bob brought. Besides, there are never enough chairs.</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It is hard to look chingon with your culo enveloping a green plastic kid chair. Trust me.</span></span></span><!--EndFragment-->ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-66433925732882166252009-09-20T08:07:00.000-07:002009-09-20T09:02:40.805-07:00No es lo mismo atras que en ancas.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">To be behind a horse is not the same as riding behind the saddle. A bit obvious if not archaic reference to who rides and who slogs through horse shit and contemplates the horse's ass. In a more contemporary context: There is a BIG difference between riding shotgun and riding in the back seat.</span>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-59547613390899669342009-09-15T21:18:00.000-07:002009-09-15T21:35:05.622-07:00No por mucho madrugar se amanece mas temprano.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You can get up early all you want, but sunrise will not get here any sooner. This paraphrases the futility of clean living and good intentions. "Don't worry be happy". Just set the alarm and don't miss the bus.</span></span>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-85261624374225959462009-09-15T21:02:00.000-07:002009-09-16T08:22:46.912-07:00Santo que caga y mea, el Diablo que se lo crea.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Any saint that defecates and urinates, let the devil believe in his sanctity. A rather prosaic way of declaring that no one is a saint, especially those that declare that their shit don't stink.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span> ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-72248246134898490222009-09-15T20:56:00.000-07:002009-09-15T21:01:39.219-07:00Con dos que se quieren bien, con uno que coma basta.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When two people are in love, if only one eats, that is enough. This only makes sense if you are the one mumbling "I love you" between bites of a Subway sandwich.</span></span>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-31150540709880399212009-09-15T20:50:00.000-07:002009-09-15T20:55:20.444-07:00No hay dolor que al alma llege que a los tres dias no se quite.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">There is no pain that afflicts the soul that will not heal itself in three days. This should be the mantra of all psychotherapy. Suck it up, take a couple of mental health days and move on.</span></span>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-59166821004624681222009-09-14T10:57:00.000-07:002009-09-15T19:11:27.195-07:00Como los perros del Tuito, oliendo la carne y lamiendose el pito.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">A regional dicho refering to the feral perros of El Tuito, (a small town north of Puerto Vallarta). The local butchers (who pushed their carts laden with fresh meat down the callejon,) would repel the hungry dogs by throwining stones and kicking them. Soon the dogs learned to stay away, and just lay on the sidewalks, smelling the meat go by wistfully licking their balls. Think of the Republicans in Washington as the Obama administration rolls on. "The Republicans are like los perros de el Tuito...."</span></span></span>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4633472143203969447.post-68345677420356684222009-09-13T19:49:00.000-07:002009-09-14T08:50:40.472-07:00No es raton de un solo agujero.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Remarkably, an allusion to a rat that calls a multitude of rat holes home, is a compliment that speaks to competence in a variety of talents. Think Leonardo Da Vinci, a utility infielder, or a good bartender. Conversely, a pejorative inference would refer to a Mormon with multiple wives or a bon vivant like Hugh Hefner.</span></span>ArtMDOhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01387487275003790698noreply@blogger.com0